


Davey-Doll

by Irrelevantrelevancy



Category: Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Angst, Canon Era, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Love, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Romance, oh ho ho, that's a new one from me isn't it?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:48:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27171295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irrelevantrelevancy/pseuds/Irrelevantrelevancy
Summary: David Jacobs was exhausted. It was nothing he couldn’t deal with though, it was just the gripes of getting older.
Relationships: David Jacobs/Jack Kelly
Comments: 12
Kudos: 42





	1. Chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys I hope you enjoy this

David Jacobs was exhausted. It was nothing he couldn’t deal with though, it was just the gripes of getting older. His knees popped when he squatted and his back always seemed to be so stiff from huddling over the dining table at night. He envied Les. Really, he did. He remembers being young and actually wanting to fly down the streets of New York chasing everything and nothing. And sure, he was still healthy. He could still make the walk to Brooklyn every now and again if it was needed, but he misses the want. When everything felt so urgent yet his only responsibility was to be a good son,do his homework and do his chores. Now everything was urgent, in ways he couldn’t even imagine. It was no longer an explosion of go go go but a nagging at the back of his head that he constantly had to do something. Christ, he couldn’t even rest up on a Saturday morning without feeling like he has a bottomless pit of errands. But it wasn’t so bad, and nobody said growing up was fun anyway. The last time he had any fun was when they won the strike. He remembers bringing Les home that night and drinking till he felt sick, celebrating the most important moment of his life. If he tries hard enough he could still taste the rum on his lips,the rum on Jack’s lips, the way their lips slotted together in a way that could only be described as familiar. The rumbling in Jack’s chest as teeth bit into soft flesh, the break neck pacing, the  _ go go go _ . It was electric,it was intoxicating. 

Jack was intoxicating, and Davey couldn’t help but to want a taste. Jack tasted sweet, tasted better than any liquor Davey had brought to his damned lips. He tasted dangerous, he was dangerous. All furrowed brows and sharp teeth, nights spent in the pale moon light of his penthouse.

Davey let out a bitter chuckle. He remembered that moonlight. He remembered how Jack felt about the moonlight. How the wind would hit their bare chests and he would croon a million and one different reasons they were meant to be together. How the stars in the sky shone only for them, how the moon need be their only light and the four walls of the penthouse was their home. But how long? It always whispered in the back of Davey’s mind. How long would it be only theirs before Jack’s eyes started to wander? He knew from the beginning that Jack Kelly would never settle down. He was young,he was attractive and he could have anyone who caught his eyes. But Jack liked a chase,liked the fight,liked pretty people with smart mouths. So Davey ran, he ran and let himself be chased. Through the sweet Summers filled with hot breath and sticky skin,through the Fall filled with shared cups of tea at the Jacobs house,through the Winter filled with memories of a David he hasn’t seen in a long time. All four walls broken down and his soul bared in all of its patchwork glory for Jack to see. Then come Spring he made the worst decision of his life.

He stopped running. 

Just like the chase was over. Jack had caught up quicker than he’d like and without a word turned and ran away. How dare Jack look betrayed when he knew this was coming? When all the signs were there? The Spring filled with anxious breaths and sobs bubbling up in David’s chest because of “No, Davey. I..I’m sorry but I won’t marry you”

And he should have seen it coming. Jack Kelly the man of mystery would never let himself be tied down, especially to someone like Davey. He got too soft. Heated arguments turned into wistful conversations,smirks turned into shy smiles, he wanted to make love,to be loved, to be  _ in _ love. The stars that once kept them so warm on the penthouse filled his eyes and he was a goner.

But in his defense he thought he saw it too. He thought in the hush of night he saw Jack’s eyes glimmer with stardust before they shut. He thought he felt the soft touches in between sleep,he thought Jack’s sharp tongue had dulled to an affectionate tone. But maybe he was wrong. And here he was, twenty-five years old still drunk on Jack Kelly. They hadn’t crossed paths in years, not since the failed proposal. Rumors about him still spread when Davey finds himself in Newsies square, the skeletons of his past coming to haunt him. He tries not to listen but can’t help but turn his ear up everytime he hears a ‘Jack’. He said he’d stop passing through here, tell Les to just meet him at his apartment instead. It feels like walking through a ghost town as he clutches a newspaper he paid way too much for. He takes one look at the lodging house and fights back a dull pain in his chest. Maybe he could stop by Racetrack’s job after he picks up Les. Their yearly meetup is far over due and he could use a familiar face. The newer newsies were getting simultaneously younger and older every time he pops by. Soon enough there won’t be a single face he remembers and then maybe he can shake his past. He’s sure he sees Elmer in the crowd of tired, vacant eyes. He’ll be sure to tip him handsomely on the way back, Elmer was a good kid. He passes by Jacobi’s and in the corner of his eye he’s sure he sees a familiar vest. He squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head, Les is waiting on him. He lengthens his strides.

He hears footsteps behind him.

It’s probably the sun playing tricks on him, he knew better than to wear this waistcoat when it was so warm out-

“Wait!”

He froze. The footsteps approached more rapidly and he bided his time to keep his breakfast from becoming street art. The footsteps slow and he feels a hand grip his shoulder,a panting so close to his ear and so familiar it’s already making him blush.

“Davey Jacobs”he says. Davey finally turns around face to face with the man who’s been haunting his dreams for damn near ten years. Still so handsome, dressed in the same juvenile attire he used to run Manhattan in. His waistcoat was left unbuttoned and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, completely inappropriate for a man his age but when has he cared for societal expectations? It took him a few moments to realize he was supposed to speak back.

“Jack Kelly,”Davey said. He found his eyes darting down to the collar of Jack’s shirt,where a tie should’ve been and for just a moment he swore he could taste rum. Jack’s eyes followed his own and his lips pulled up in a subtle smirk. Almost ten years and that smirk still filled him with rage yet made his knees so weak.

“How’s the family?”He asked, green eyes boring straight into hazel. Davey was warm, far too warm.

“T-they’re good,”Davey said and inwardly winced. “Actually i’m going to pick up Les from school”

He was giving Jack far more information than he needed and he knew it. Jack nodded and recognition seemed to flitter across his eyes.

“Les”he repeated, “I miss that kid, how old is he? seventeen?”   


“Eighteen”Davey responded, and why was he still talking?

Jack threw his head back and laughed. Davey found himself checking for any bruises on his neck. He hated himself for it.

“Eighteen and you’re  _ still _ playing big brother?”He laughed. “You’ve always been the caring type”

The praise no matter how minuscule washed over him in waves and he found himself slipping back into a dangerous game.

“You’re too kind, Jack”Davey said, looking up at Jack through his lashes. He hoped it still had the desired effect. Jack licked his lips and his eyes flickered over Davey’s body. Bingo.

“Well um, i’m going to be in town for a while,”He said, rubbing his arm. “I’m staying at a place in Brooklyn-”

Davey couldn’t help but butt in. “Conlon’s territory?”

Jack’s jaw clenched and Davey felt his heart flutter a bit. If Jack hated anything, it was being interrupted. This could be fun.

“I ain’t no Newsie anymore”He shrugged, “why does it matter?”   


“It doesn’t”Davey shot back, raising a brow. “Just making an observation”

Jack took a step closer.“You haven’ changed a bit”

“No reason to change”Davey said, “Wasn’t the one who needed to”

“That quick wit get you into college?”He asked.

They were so close that Davey could feel his breath on his cheek. “Columbia. Full ride” 

He heard Jack take in a shaky breath. 

“God, i’ve missed you”   


It was everything Davey wanted to hear, everything he’s been waiting for. But he wasn’t going to give in so quickly, no. Jack Kelly liked a chase and he was going to give him the chase of a lifetime. He took a step back and fiddled with the buttons on his coat. He made sure to look Jack straight in his eyes before he spoke.

“I’ve got to pick up Les,”He said. He didn’t even give Jack a chance to respond before he carried on down the street. Jack’s cries of indignation fell on deaf ears and Davey felt powerful. The sun is high in the sky,the headline stinks and for the first time in years Davey Jacobs felt excited.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The shade was a welcome change as Davey entered the school grounds. He could feel the sweat soaking his under shirt. Sometimes he missed being young when dressing for the weather was acceptable and not considered a social taboo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the alternative title for this chapter was either Big Feelings or Holy Dialogue

The shade was a welcome change as Davey entered the school grounds. He could feel the sweat soaking his under shirt. Sometimes he missed being young when dressing for the weather was acceptable and not considered a social taboo. He scanned the grounds for his younger brother who usually stuck out like a sore thumb. The Jacobs children were fairly tall, tall enough you could pick them out in a crowd. The same applied for Les, coupled with his curly brown hair that he refused to cut, you couldn’t miss him. It only took a few minutes to spot him. Davey walked a bit closer and snapped his fingers to get Les’ attention. He didn’t necessarily like the school grounds so he wanted to be out of there as soon as possible. He watched as Les said goodbye to his friends and waltzed over. 

“You’re late,”he said. Davey rolled his eyes and grabbed Les’ bag to swing over his shoulder.

“Hello to you too”

“What?”He smirked, “I’m just telling the truth. What took you so long? You’re never late”

“I got off of work late”Davey said, he was lying straight through his teeth. “Let’s go.”

“Touchy today”He said, raising a brow. “What, is there conflict at the theatre? Somebody monologue wrong? Did somebody say Mac-”

“You finish that sentence and your ass is going home”Davey warned.

“Alright, sorry”He said, raising his hands in surrender. “Honestly, what’s wrong Davey?”   


“What makes you think something’s wrong?”Davey asked, “I’m perfectly fine”

“You’re squeezing my bookbag like it owes you money,”he said, pointing to Davey’s nails digging into the leather. “Your knuckles are white”

“They didn’t choose their race,”Davey said.

“You know what I mean!”He huffed, “But if you want me to drop it, i’ll drop it”

The tension in Davey’s jaw loosened a bit and he bumped his shoulders against Les’ to say thank you. The two continued walking towards Davey’s apartment before he remembered. He paused sharply and dug in his pocket for his key.

“What’re you doing?”

He pulled out the key and placed it in Les’ hand. “I wanted to stop by Racetrack’s job on the way back. I don’t know how long i’ll be so-”

“Hell yes!”He said, snatching the keys from his fingers. Davey quickly looked around before thumping Les’ temple.

“Watch your mouth!”Davey hissed. Les scoffed and stuffed the key into his pocket.

“Like you’re one to talk”he said.

“I’m twenty-five”Davey said, “I’m allowed to cuss”

“And  _ i’m _ eighteen”He said, “And the sky is blue,and the grass is green,and the trees are brown, and-”

“You just love to hear yourself talk don’t you?”Davey asked.

Les smiled and nodded his head. “Guilty”

“You’re hopeless”Davey mumbled. He took the bookbag off his shoulder and handed it to Les. “I won’t be home any later than ten. You know how to make dinner,don’t touch my liquor--i’ll know--and no Sally can’t come over”

“Why!”he whined. 

“Because you’re not married,”Davey said.

“That’s so unfair!”he continued, “You have Katherine over and you two aren’t married”   


Davey felt his face heat up but he tried to keep stern. “It’s not the same”

“Why is it not the same?”He asked.

“Because it’s not”

“That’s not a reason”He said.

“I’ll tell you when you’re taller”

“I’m not getting any taller!”he exclaimed.

“Then isn’t that tough for you?”Davey said, narrowing his eyes. “Drop it.”   


“But-”   


“Drop. It.”Davey said through clenched teeth, “You shouldn’t even be focused on relationships right now anyways. You’re in your last year of high school, you’ve got plenty time for that after you’ve graduated”

Les laughed through his nose and shook his head. “You just wouldn’t understand”

“Why wouldn’t I?”Davey asked, folding his arms. “Pray tell. Tell me how your teenage angst is anything I haven’t already been through?”

“You wouldn’t know what it’s like to be in love”He said, “When you were in high school all you did was keep your nose in a book”   


“Because I was focused on my education and not on girls”Davey said, squeezing his fingers in his palms.

“Yeah”Les huffed, “ _ never _ focused on girls. If you weren’t my brother i’d think you were one of those fucking homosexuals”

Davey’s body ran cold. “Watch your mouth with me Les, and your tone-”

“Yeah? And what are you gonna do about it?”He said, “you’re not dad”

“I may not be dad but  _ I'm _ the one who raised you!”For a moment he forgot where they were. The turning heads did little to cool the rage inside of him. He was breathing hard, he could feel it in the way his lungs constricted. Les’ scowl faltered.

“Davey-”

“Go home Les”Davey said, rubbing his temples. “Just...we’ll talk later”

“Davey ‘m sorry-”

“Go.”

Les sighed and twisted the key in his hand. “I’ll see you at home”

-

Davey scowled the whole way to Racetrack’s job. He hoped the walk to lower manhattan would calm him anger but it just made him sweaty and angry. He hated arguments, hated them with a passion. He hated the way they got him fired up and the only way to calm down was to scream his head off, it was disgusting. He didn’t ask for any of this. He didn’t ask for his father’s death,he didn’t ask to take over as Les’ guardian,he didn’t ask for his youth to be cut so short. But he still did so without complaining,without so much as a thank you for sacrificing so much of his time and this is what he gets?  _ You’re not dad _ . Les has always been testy with his boundaries, but the minute he turned eighteen he thinks all of the ground rules they had laid out just evaporated? Davey would rather watch paint dry than let this little brat run around lawless with no home training.

He had his reasons. 

That Sally was a nice girl sure but it was Les he was worried about. He was young and dumb and didn’t know the first things on dating etiquette. He was a sweet kid but the only thing on his mind was probably getting her stripped down to her corset. Davey wasn’t ready to become an uncle and dear god if he did get her pregnant they didn’t have the money to offer her family a dowry for the wedding and-he screwed his eyes shut as a searing pain shot across his temple, this was giving him a headache. He tried to keep his mind on the present. Sally wouldn’t be over there,which means there’s no chance of Les getting her pregnant which means no wedding and no dowry. He took a deep breath as he turned the corner to the shop where Racetrack worked. The bell on the door chimed as he walked in. Racetrack had it pretty good compared to the other newsies who entered the adult working world. He had an inside job where he spent all day crunching numbers and approving building plans for architects. From the looks of his new threads, it paid well. It made Davey happy to know at least one of his boys had made it out of poverty.

Race looked up at the sound of the door and grinned. “Wrong building, theatre’s down the street”

“Good to see you too, ‘track”

“Hey hey hey”Race said, looking around the busy shop. “Let’s keep the names professional”

Davey rolled his eyes. “My apologies,  _ Antonio _ ”

“Much better”Race grinned, “It’s good to see you, David”

“Likewise”Davey said, matching his smile.

“So uh, what brings you here?”Race asked.

“Just passed through Newsie square earlier”Davey said, “reminded me of you”

“I’m touched”Race said, his grin was just as goofy as when he was sixteen. “See anything new?”   


“I saw Elmer”he shrugged, “Kid’s got a mustache”

“God that’s weird”Race groaned, “Anything else?”

Davey clenched his jaw a bit and nodded. “I uh...I saw a cowboy on my way through”

Race’s eyes bulged out of his skull. “A cowboy?”

Davey nodded.“ _ The _ cowboy”

Race paused, taking a look around the room. “Let’s take this to my office”

And this is one of the many things Davey appreciated about Racetrack. They could go without speaking for months on end and still be on the same page whenever they see each other. Davey waited patiently as Race spoke in what sounded like Italian to the other workers. Once he was given the okay, the two walked towards the back of the shop where a few doors were located. Race pulled out a key and opened up the door at the very end of the hall, Davey couldn’t help but marvel. It was a small space but Race kept it surprisingly tidy. He gestured for Davey to take a seat.

“This is ni-”

“What the hell do you mean you saw Jack?”Race demanded. Davey’s eyes widened in bewilderment.

“What the  _ hell _ happened to formalities?”

“Out  _ there _ , I'm Antonio”Race said, “But in  _ here _ , I’m Racetrack. Now, what the hell happened Davey?”

Davey then proceeded to explain everything, failing to not get a little misty eyed as it finally hit him. This is the man who broke his heart, who he hadn’t seen in almost ten years. Who vanished without a trace and now he’s back. Race listened intently the whole time, gnawing on his bottom lip. At some point the two had ended up on the floor, backs pressed against Race’s desk.

“Fuck, Davey”he cursed, running a hand through his curls. “Why the fuck is he here?”   


“I don’t know,”Davey said, shaking his head. “I-I...none of it makes sense”

“This isn’t good”He mumbled, more to himself than Davey. “This really isn’t good”

“I know”Davey sighed.

He snapped his fingers a bit when he noticed Davey was staring at the floor.“Look at me”

“ ‘m lookin”Davey grumbled.

“You shouldn’t do this to yourself, Davey”He said. “Jack Kelly is the past an’ he’s got no place in your future”

“I know!”Davey exclaimed, now he was frustrated. “I-I know it’s just-it’s just he makes me feel things”

Race scoffed, “yeah, makes yer dick feel things”

“No, ‘track”Davey said, shaking his head. “It’s more than the sex-it’s  _ always _ been more than the sex”

“Not to him”He said with a humorless chuckle. “He fucked you and then tossed ya to the curb, is that a man you really want to go back to?”

“You don’t understand,”Davey said.

“Then  _ make _ me understand,”Race said. “What is it about Jack Kelly that he’s got such a hold on you?”

“You should know, you’ve been with him,”Davey said.

Race shook his head.“Obviously not in the same way you were”

“He just”he took a deep breath, it was fine to think about in the comfort of his own home but to spill his truth out in broad daylight made him uneasy. “He made me feel so special...always told me that I was the only one for him,that he’d never let me go and then…”

“Then the proposal happened,”Race said softly.

“I still wonder what went wrong”He chuckled, a tear slid down his face. Race leaned over and brushed it off his cheek.

“It sounds like you never really got over him,”Race said. Davey let out a watery laugh and wrapped his arms around himself. Race brought a hand up and pat his shoulder, it made Davey laugh a little harder and he shook his head.

“How could I, Race?”He whispered, “He meant  _ everything _ to me”

“I don’t wanna get your hopes up”Race said slowly, “But maybe Jack waas scared”

“What?”he croaked.

“Jack’s never had anyone love him”Race said. “He was always a one and done kind of guy no matter who the person was.”he did a little shimmy pointing to himself “Then you pop into his life and maybe it scared him”   


“I don’t understand,”he sniffled.

“I hate to admit it ‘cause he was playin you like a fiddle” Race huffed, “But you were a powerteam. Sure I was his second but you, you was  _ Davey _ . Every newsie knew your name, you ran this borough like-like his queen!”

“Was it really like that?”He asked, it had been so long.

“Any newsie with eyes knew you belonged to Jack”Race said, rolling his eyes. “and Jack didn’t usually like that kinda shit, liked to keep his hookups private. But he paraded and pampered you around like you’s went”

“I thought we did”Davey muttered bitterly.

“Jack’s afraid of change”Race continued, “I ain’t trying to make no excuses or get your hopes up but you was different Davey, and maybe that scared him”

“I...I don’t know what to say”Davey said. 

“Then we don’t gotta speak no more”Race said softly, and Davey loved and hated it at the same time. He hated being treated like a charity case, like he was fragile and would fall apart at the slightest touch. But at the same time it was what he craved, all he wanted at the end of the day was to be loved.

“Can’t believe we’re still doin this”Davey chuckled, running a hand over his face. “It’s just like we’re still teenagers”

“Well...sometimes I miss it”He said. Davey turned to face him and furrowed his brows.

“What’s there to miss?”Davey asked. 

“Tell me you don’ miss stayin at the lodging house”

“I don’t miss staying at the lodging house--ow!”

Davey rubbed his temple where Race had flicked him.

“Shut up”He rolled his eyes, “You definitely do. Getting drunk off our asses and piling into those tiny rooms together at night? The best days of my life”

“A nightmare,”Davey said, wrinkling up his nose.

“It’s a dream when yer queer”he winked. Davey gasped and smacked his shoulder.

“Racetrack Higgins!”

“What!”He exclaimed, “I’m telling the truth!”

“You can’t just say things like that in public!”Davey hissed, “For god sake man, use a code word or something!”

“Fine”he rolled his eyes, “As a homosexual-”

“ _ Racetrack _ ”

“Alright!”he laughed, “Alright i’m done, honest”

“Sodomy is a crime”Davey said with serious eyes, “I know things were different when we were Newsies but...this is the real world now, we could get in serious trouble for it”

“Ain’t no crime”He said, his eyes were blazing.

“Race-”

“No”He all but growled, “It ain’t no crime! ‘m sick an’ tired of treatin it like one! My love for another man shouldn’ be enough to get me killed when i’m a good person! I’s a better person then-then  _ half _ of these priests and men of the ‘high society!’”

“I know,”Davey said softly, but Race wasn’t done.

“I fuckin  _ miss _ being a Newsie”He said, “Sure I was dirt poor but I miss that world! Nobody cared whose pants I was gettin into or whose bed I was in. it was all about sellin my papes and makin sure I was fed...”

“This is still a sore spot for you,”Davey said and Race chuckled.

“Damn right it is”he said. “I got so much by joining this world but...I lost more than i’d like to admit”

Davey nodded in understanding. “You two went together like candles and burning”

He let out a shallow chuckle. “Where do you come up with this shit?”

“I work at a theatre”Davey shrugged, “part of the job”

“I’m tired’a bein angry in silence”He said, staring at the wall. “I want a change to come”

“One day”Davey said. “Might be a hundred years from now but one day two men- _ queers- _ ”he choked on the word. “-If you will, will be able to hold hands and kiss and even get  _ married _ ”

“And we’ll have carriages that run on sunshine”He said, sliding down the desk and laying on his back. Davey joined him.

“There’ll be pictures that move”Davey chuckled.

“Clocks that speak”

“We’ll be able to walk on water”

“And dogs that meow”

“And cats that bark”

“And we’ll go to space!”he grinned, lifting an arm up to trace imaginary lines along the ceiling. 

“All in our wildest dreams”Davey grinned, placing his arms under his head. The conversation fell to a lull and Race laid his head on Davey’s chest. If he closed his eyes and squeezed hard enough he could almost feel the faulty springs of the lodging house mattress and hear the boys telling stories to keep the chill of winter off their bones. He could hear Elmer and the other younger boys playing in the corner, while Specs spun a tale about a boy with magic beans. He could feel Albert’s legs laid over his and Finch playing with his hair. Sometimes he really did miss it.

“You’re thinking hard”Race said, his eyes closed as well. Davey hummed and felt a wave of warm nostalgia roll over him.

“Yeah...yeah I am” 


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I'm sorry for the long wait on this chapter. Enjoy the Jacobs household.

After a comfortable hour of lounging on the floor, Davey left feeling much lighter and a promise that they would meet up next week. For the first time in months it didn’t feel like a chore to keep that promise. He  _ was _ a homebody, he enjoyed his solitude--years of sharing rooms with newsies and siblings taught him that well. He took pride in his apartment, a year of furnishing and little handijobs slowly but surely turned it into a home. Davey’s apartment was small, but comfortable. There was the bedroom, located down the hall. The kitchenette which was next to the fireplace, and the washroom, which even had one of those fancy flushing toilets. That’s honestly what sold him on the place. If there’s one thing he hated, it was using a chamber pot. It came at a modest price too, the only downside was somebody died there. 

There was a sofa situated against the wall opposite to the front door, and a dining table that was placed near the fireplace which was probably a safety hazard, seeing as it was made of wood. He wasn’t quite sure how that worked yet, but he’s been in for a year and it has yet to catch on fire.

The linen closet was filled to the brim with blankets Katherine and Sarah knitted for him every Christmas. It was a sweet gesture and he’d never say no to a good blanket. His cabinets were filled with tea—he hadn’t touched coffee since his few years as a newsie—and usually a treat if the money was good that week. He had yet to find a good tea set that didn’t break the bank.

The pantry was filled with the basics because Davey couldn’t cook and didn't have the disposable income to hire one. He did enjoy spending time with Sarah and Katherine, those two actually had a cook...and a maid, and a gardener. But, he wasn’t going to be bitter, he was happy for his sister. Whatever she and Katherine had going on was truly special. 

There was a bookshelf in the far corner of the room. It had yet to be filled with anything but textbooks for his lectures and manuscripts of Medda’s shows that needed revising, but that was fine. He loved his apartment no matter how small, it was cozy and it was his. Well, his  _ and _ Les. After their father had passed on due to his injury, Les had been staying with Davey. Their mother—bless her—hadn’t been the same since, she had fits of anger and sometimes would sob uncontrollably. Les was sixteen, he was old enough to understand grief, but Davey still didn’t want him to see that. He took up the couch and let Les have the bedroom, that’s how it’s been for the past two years, coexisting in peace. He frowned as he turned onto the block of his neighborhood, usually in peace. He’s still not sure what got into Les earlier. He was a good kid, he could be a little brash but things like this, _ arguments _ like this never happened, least of all in public. Surely he had to just be testing boundaries, because if this was the new normal Davey wouldn’t stand for it.

Once his apartment was in view he lengthened his strides. He could feel the grip of fatigue on his bones and he still had work to do, the manuscript for Medda’s show wouldn’t revise itself. He smiled a bit, he loved Medda. He reached the door and knocked once, then twice. It creaked open to reveal Les, still in his school uniform, it looked like he hadn’t even washed up for the night. Davey furrowed his brows and stepped inside. Everything seems as he left it, no trace of any other human life but Les. He shrugged off his suit jacket and swung it over the back of a chair, he’d have to pick that up later. He just about remembered to toe off his shoes and walked over to the couch taking a seat.

“Have you started your homework?”he asked. Les looked at him with a bored expression.

“Didn’t have any”

“Did you make yourself something to eat?”

“Not hungry”

He rolled his eyes. “Are you done having an attitude?”

“Nope”Les said popping the p.

He sighed. “Suit yourself”

Les grunted and stalked down the hall to the bedroom. The door slammed a minute later. Davey rubbed his temples, he didn’t have time to deal with teenage angst. It was getting to be late and he had a list of things that still needed to get done. This is why he rarely visited Racetrack, when they were together they still ran on Newsie time and could talk all night if you left them. The adult world really was something, so much to do but always so little time. He pushed himself off the couch with a groan, he needed his notebook but it was in the bedroom. He took a deep breath--honestly he took two, and walked down the hall. He knocked on the door, all he got was a cry of annoyance. 

Les was really testing his patience. He walked inside to see Les’ face was already fixed so sour.

“What?”Les huffed. Davey simply walked past him, grabbing his notebook and fountain pen off his desk.

“I’m not here for you,”he said calmly.

“Oh”

Davey also grabbed a pillow and his pajamas, he didn’t feel like making a second trip. He was just going to leave the room but it seemed pettiness just ran rampant through the family. He paused at the doorway and turned around. “You know how galileo thought the sun was the center of the universe, right?”

“Yes…?”Les said.

“If the sun isn’t even the center of the universe--one of the most  _ essential _ foundations to all living things--I can’t possibly fathom why you think that you are”

Before Les could respond he left, shutting the door behind him. He felt satisfied, sure he remembered being a teenager and thinking he knew everything but to have such audacity? It makes him wonder who exactly has been raising Les these past few years because it obviously couldn’t have been him. How much shit did Esther let slide when he was a kid? She would have never let Davey get away with half of that. He took another deep breath, there was no use digging into old wounds. Sometimes it was hard to remember that he was the adult in this situation. If it got anymore out of hand then he could send Les to stay with Sarah. He plopped down on the couch and started making his to do list.

  * _Read over Medda’s manuscript, due sunday_
  * _Read Othello, due in the coming week_



He groaned, it was due so soon and he hadn’t even started. He needed to shake his grammar school work ethic.

  * _Arithmetic work, due soon._



He needed to get better at keeping dates, a calendar book would be going on his christmas list.

  * _Buy groceries, preferably tomorrow._
  * _Tidy up the house._



He read over a few times before a realization dawned on him. He slapped his forehead and briskly wrote down.

  * _Tip Elmer next time in Newsie square_



There, now he was done. Looking at the list he realized it didn’t make him feel anymore organized. It was a gumble of vague deadlines and he was certain that there were things missing. The thought alone made him want to curl on on the couch and call it a night. But no, that’s how he got in this mess in the first place. He had to start somewhere, he’d start with the manuscript. It wasn’t too tedious and he genuinely liked working with Medda, she paid handsomely too now that the theatre was booming. His mother hadn’t been too happy when she realized he was working a theatre job, no one was. A man of his caliber could have been a teacher’s assistant by now, he’d tainted his reputation working in entertainment, it was a poor man's job. All things he’s heard before, heard recently and will probably hear in the future. He’s worked for Medda since he was a Newsie. Little writing jobs here and there, analytical pieces, costume mending--he’s even done a bit of acting himself. He smiled as his mind floated back to his    
“Acting days”, it was funny to think of it like that when it felt like it was only yesterday. He remembers getting prettied up in the dressing room with the bowery beauties. He kissed one of them that night after the show. God Jack had been so mad to see his lips smudged with red..

Davey let out a soft chuckle. Is this what getting older was? Constantly reminiscing on the past? He wasn’t even old yet. Sure he had acquaintances his age already settled down with kids, but that didn't make them old. He kinda did have a kid to be fair. He’s sure he would’ve been right on that track too hadn’t he met Jack.

Davey always looked, at men, at women. His eyes always tended to linger on a woman’s lips or a gentlemans’ rear a bit longer than socially acceptable. He hid his looking behind books,grades,housework, obedience. It was the safest for him to just show no interest in anyone. But he had fancied a few girls here and there, he wanted to court one of them. Then his dad’s leg got messed up, then money grew scarce, then he became a Newsie and then he was thrusted into the hurricane of Jack Kelly. Hurricanes were dangerous, Davey knew this. But Jack had a way of softening it, making the harsh rain seem pretty. 

Davey got swept in before he knew what was happening. Him and Les ended up right by Jack’s side in the most pivotal moment of Newsie history. So of course, they started to hang out more regularly. It started off innocent enough, it really did. Davey had no intentions of being immodest. But Jack Kelly was known for many things, one being that he could bring out the whore in almost anyone. Three weeks. He lasted three weeks of keeping his distance. That was before Jack had turned scab and they ended up in an alleyway. Jack gripped his jaw to shut him up and it was go go go from there. Davey swallowed and shifted in his seat, this was not the time to get all bothered about this, he still had a manuscript to read. He forced himself off the couch for the second time and walked over to the bookshelf where he left it.

He was embarrassed with how long it took him to find it, that definitely reflected the state of his bookcase and the last time he worked on it. He eyed the couch but decided against it, doing work where he slept never ended well. The table would have to do. He took his seat and flipped open the book, he bit his lip and squinted. This couldn’t be right, he’d annotated this page a few days ago...he took a closer look.

“Fuck!”he groaned, throwing his head back. 

He brought home the wrong one, no wonder it looked different. It was an actor’s copy. How could he be so careless? He closed the copy and slid it across the table. He didn’t have his manuscript and now this actor didn’t have their script. He’d have to make a stop by the theatre tomorrow. The walk to the Bowery from Manhattan wasn’t  _ terribly _ long, but it definitely wasn’t in his schedule. Les would just have to walk to school tomorrow with one of his buddies so Davey could get it out of the way. Davey sighed and began unbuttoning his waistcoat, it was late and he was frustrated, might as well call it a night. He slid it off of his shoulders and let it fall to the floor, it was an older one anyways. He untucked his shirt from his trousers and made his way back over to the couch, he couldn’t be bothered to put his pajamas on. He knew he should wash up and clean up and  _ eat _ something, but he kind of wanted to wallow in his defeat for a bit, maybe read a book. Or stare at the wall, or punch it, or scream. He sighed, too much had happened for just one day. Les was rebelling, he’d reconnected with Racetrack,grabbed the wrong script and Jack Kelly, man of mystery had waltzed right back into his life. He shook his head at that, anyone would deserve a lay down after this day. He grabbed the blanket folded over the top of the couch and wrapped it around himself. Les was definitely going to Sarah’s this weekend, they both needed the space and Davey needed his mattress. But all the logistics could be sorted out in the morning, right now he could feel a heaviness in his bones that meant it was time to sleep. He laid his head on his pillow, if he scrunched his eyes tight enough he was still sixteen, he wasn’t dealing with an ornery teen and a potential midlife crisis no--he had just met the famous Jack Kelly, had just organized the strike...he smiled to himself and snuggled closer against his pillow.

He let his mind begin to wander, that maybe if things had been different, had they not been both men, had he been better...maybe they could have worked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please validate me.


	4. Chapter four

“You promised me he’d be here”Jack grumbled, perching on a turned over carton. It was still early in the day, the theatre wouldn’t be opening until that evening. The room was still dim with the velvet curtains still pulled across the windows. Medda put down her fountain pen and raised a brow at him.

“I didn’t promise you _anything_ ”she said, folding her arms. “I mentioned that he might be here, David works on his own time”

Jack huffed and kicked his foot out.“What do you mean on his own time”

“Jack, David is coming up on almost ten years of working for me,”she said evenly. “He started off doing most of my dirty work. Analyzing pieces,leadin’ rehearsals,doin wigs,costumes,learned to sew and even acted himself at times” she continued. “If anyone deserves to pick their working hours it’s him.”

“Well then can you tell me anything about him? Anything?”Jack sighed, running a hand through his hair. Medda’s eyes widened and she rose from her chair, planting her hands flat on her desk.

“This your first time back in town in _years_ and you’re just here to prod me for information about a man—who wanted to give you _everything_ if I do recall—and you went and blew it?”

“I-“

“No no no Jack Kelly, now you’ve got my blood boiling”She adjusted her robe and walked towards him. “Why do you think it’s right that you put that boy through hell and you can just waltz back in?”

“Through hell?”Jack scoffed.

“And back!”Medda grunted, stomping her foot. “Poor David was already broken when you refused his proposal—just to add insult to injury you went and disappeared not soon after!”

Jack immediately shook his head. “Davey was-no that can’t be right”he mumbled, more to himself than anyone else. He remembers that night clear as day. No no they sat on the rooftop, he bought Davey a soda. He remembers so well because the moonlight had hit Davey’s face in a way that had him itching for a paintbrush. They had gone up there to fool around, just how they always did. And they did. Boy they did.

They had finished and Davey had Jack wrapped up in his arms, it felt warm and safe like it always did.

Then Davey had said two little words. 

Marry me. It was a mere whisper, could’ve been chalked up to the breeze. But he heard it, mumbled into his hair. The warm breath barely brushed the shell of his ear.

It sent Jack into a panic.

He cringed thinking back on it. He had freaked out, worse than he wanted to. Worse than he ever intended to. He bolted up and asked Davey to repeat himself, begged him. And Davey did, with so much hope in his eyes, so much mirth in his smile. He tried to grab onto Jack’s hand but he flinched as if he’d been burned. Why would Davey want to get married and ruin what they had? He’s seen what marriage has done to people, his folks, Race’s folks. Random blokes in alleyways with a prostitute when you had _just_ sold them a pape with their wife on their arm the day before. It was a pointless practice, why would you swear yourself to someone for forever when you couldn’t keep the promise? He didn’t do forever, he did one night, he did moments, forever wasn’t promised to anymore. 

It was suffocating.

He...he asked Davey to leave. they got into it. And...

Now he remembers just how broken he was. Years of trying to wipe those shattered eyes from his mind and they come back full force. He could see him standing there, soft light illuminating his body, bloodshot hazel eyes and tear slicked cheeks. He remembers hearing him cry, remembers not caring. Throwing him a rag to clean himself off like...

Like an object. 

Jack blinked rapidly. He reduced Davey to nothing but an object that day.

“Medda I fucked up”he said quickly. “I...I-“

“And it only took you nine years to figure that out”she said, shaking her head. “You left cause you didn’t wanna face him, didn’t you? Didn’t want to deal with the consequences?”

He nodded. He hated that she was right. She walked over to the crate he was perched on and whacked him over the back of his head. He lurched forward with a groan.

“Now what did I tell you the first time you tried to pull something like this?”she said.

“I..nowhere will ever be the right place if I’m running away”he sighed. 

“Exactly”she said, “and look at you right where you started! Jack Kelly I have been telling you from the first day I met you that playing with people's feelings is a dangerous game”

“I know but-“

“I told you that and you _still_ went and did it”she seethed, “it was all a game to you, wasn’t it? Those people had feelings Jack. Feelings and lives and who knows how many hearts you’ve broken at this rate. Broken hearts are no game”

“I know but why are you telling me this!”he exclaimed, bunching his hands together. “I know! I know! I just—I already feel shitty why do you have to rub it in?”

“Because you may be one of my boys, but so is David”she said, “and what you did is something no one should ever do. You didn’t just break his heart, you never gave it back”

“I _what-_ “

“Not to mention that from the little stunts you pulled, you made it so no other homosexual newsie would ever lay an eye on him. And it’s still in place today”

His stomach turned. “w-which means?-“

“-which means if David even wanted to find love, no other newsie would have him”she said, “playing games with love and attraction and feelings is never good Jack. Love may feel so light and airy but it should never be taken so lightly. You were a selfish selfish boy, you only thought about what you wanted, how you felt”

“I...how can I fix this?”he asked, “I wanna fix it”

“Leave him alone”

“What?”he spat.

“Walk your behind right back out of town and don’t look back”she said, “you’ve already taken so many years of his life, you don’t need more. And I don’t want you to give him hope either, David may be logical but that boy leads with his heart and even after so many lonely years, his heart still wants you”

“His heart can have me!”Jack said quickly, “please Medda I...help me...please”

“Don’t you get it, Jack?”she chuckled, her eyes were sad. “This is the price you pay when you play the game”

“Speak plainly for god sake!”he groaned, gripping at his hair. “Yer trippin me up!”

“There’s no fixing what you broke.”she said. “No way in hell if I’m honest, what you did to David is what happens to widowers after the loss of their spouse, they lose themselves. David hasn’t been right since what you did, when I say it broke him I mean it. He may still be smart and funny and tough as nails but his heart...it still needs to heal before you try anything”

“Then what do I _do_?”he stressed. “Medda I-I can’t just leave him alone, you don’t understand I-there’s-I want him so much—“

“I do understand,”she said, rolling her eyes. “How do you think David felt? You both felt the same things, just years apart”

“I need him, Medda,”he said. “I-I haven’t stopped thinking about him-it’s why I came back, Davey’s like my Santa Fe!”

“You should have told him that nine years ago”she mumbled.

“I was seventeen!”he shouted. “For god sake Medda I was young! What did you want me to do! I get it, I was young and stupid and an asshole, I know!”

“I’m glad you do”She said, “the theatre’s opening soon, I need you to be on your way”

“I-“he deflated, “can I come back tomorrow?”

She gave him a crooked smile. “You may piss me off but you’re always welcome to my theatre.”

“I’m not giving up on Davey,”he said.

“you should”she sighed, “but I know you won’t. We’ll talk , now out.”

“Med-“

“Shoo!”she said, ushering him towards the door.

Twenty minutes later, Davey walked in manuscript under his arm and puffed out.

“Medda, you’ll never believe who I ran into yesterday” 

She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, “I could imagine”


	5. Chapter five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahaha hey y'all...

The air in the theatre felt different, Davey noted. It felt a little thicker than usual, like when the beauties dusted up the room with their powders and perfumes. He coughed a bit and adjusted the school bag under his arm. Once his gaze landed on Medda his already tired legs seemed to pump a bit faster.

“Medda, you’ll never believe who I ran into yesterday”he said. She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. Over the thrumming of his heartbeat he could only see her lips moving. 

“Pardon?”he panted, walking the extra few steps to place the texts on her desk.

“I asked who did you see?”she said. His heart pounded just that little bit faster as he thought of the lazy smirk that had graced his presence. It made his blood boil all the same. He walked over to his perching crate and found it had already been turned over. Huh. Peculiar. He allowed himself the luxury of a seat, lowering his long legs down and tucking his chin beneath his knees.

“Jack Kelly,”he finally said. Medda clicked her tongue and offered up a patient smile.

“Jack Kelly”she repeated, “The man of mystery. Now what is he doin’ back in town?”

“Your bet is as good as mine”he sighed, “I was just walking through the square and he caught me by surprise”

“Snuck up on ya?”she asked.

“Almost gave me a heart attack”he confirmed, running his hands over his face. “The way he was dressed...that stupid blue waistcoat I...it was like time had just stopped for a second. Felt like 1899.”

He heard the creek of her chair and heeled footsteps walking towards him. A warm hand on his shoulder had him melting into her side just like the first time. Just like the summer of 1899. He wrapped his arms around her waist and in a moment of blind judgment he buried his face into her satin dress.

Medda sighed and placed a hand on his cap. This is exactly what she was afraid of.

“I’m so sorry, sugar”she said, “it’s not always easy seeing people from our past”

“I thought I was fine”he mumbled, and finally pulled away from her with misty eyes. “I thought I had gotten over him years ago-“

“Let me stop you right there,”she said. “There is no right amount of time it takes for a heart to heal. Feelings aren’t like arithmetic or science, they’re not predictable. You can’t plug them into a neat little formula and get a conclusive answer. They’re messy and volatile and explosive and can make you feel like your whole world is on fire and there ain’t a drop of water in sight-“

“Then why do we feel them?”he choked out. “I-if it hurts so bad then...then why?”

“Because on the opposite side they’re beautiful and delicate and euphoric and...and so human. Loving is one of the only things that comes as naturally as eating and sleeping”she said.

“If it’s so natural then why...why didn’t he?”he asked. His arms wrapped around himself like a motherless child.

“Now I’m not here to make excuses for the boy”she said carefully, “but Jack...he..he wasn’t really used to love, ya know? Didn’t have folks to show him”

Davey nodded slowly. He supposed that makes sense. He sniffled and rubbed his arms to soothe himself. Too tired and now too cold to even feel the waves of hot embarrassment trying to embrace him.

“You don’t have to forgive him,”Medda said softly. “What Jack did was rotten, no matter what his reasoning was. You’re allowed to not forgive him”

Davey chuckled and felt another wave of watery laughter bubbling in his throat.

“How could I not forgive him, Medda?”he asked. “I love him”

“Do you love him, or do you love who you thought he was?”she asked. He frowned and dropped his hands to his thighs.

“I...I don’t know”

* * *

For the rest of day Davey found his mind wandering back to that exact question. The wise phrase has snowballed into something short and sweet. Did he love Jack?

Well he knows that he  _ did _ . But did he still now? He groaned and struck a line through his second grammatical error. Why were feelings so complicated? It felt like rocket science—he scoffed and rolled his eyes. At least rocket science had definite answers. This was something he had to decide. Such a serious answer from the depths of his own mind. No years of research to back him up, no proven hypothesis, no textbooks to refer back to Incase he got lost. 

It was simply up to him.

How could he do that all those years ago. How could he declare something so strong,so  _ dangerous _ , and do it without a second thought? He knew it was natural—Medda was a trusted source on these matters—but now did he know? What was the defining moment? What ticked  _ just _ the right way in his adolescent brain that proved what he felt was love? How does he know now? He slammed his pencil on his desk and a second later his forehead. 

This was going to drive him insane. _ Do you love him, or do you love who you thought he was?  _ He doesn’t know. One minute there’s memories of sitting on the rooftop,sharing a cola and kissing under the stars. The next all he can remember is feeling like his body was on fire and screaming with every ounce of his being. The memories switch between the two extremes until all he can do is screw his eyes shut and let out a muffled scream. He wanted to rip his brain out and pick at every individual memory until he had numerical data to come to his conclusion. He wanted to hold a survey of every newsie young and old that had seen their interactions. He wanted something tangible so these thoughts could finally go dormant and maybe just maybe die for good.

He just wanted to know.

Maybe if he knew where he stood this could finally rest. It felt so  _ easy _ saying he loved him. It was second nature in thought and in practice, but why? Was it only easy because he’s been saying it for so long? What even was love at fifteen? Did he really love Jack or was he holding onto some weird amalgamation of admiration and pure horniness? 

What did he even like about Jack-

“Davey!”Medda said, snapping her fingers. He jolted up in his chair and whirled around to see her standing in the doorway of his office. 

“Huh?”he said intelligently. She clicked her teeth and pushed herself off the doorframe.

“That was the fifth time I’ve called you,”she said. “You’re thinking mighty hard about something”

“Im sorry”he winced, “I don’t think I’m all the way there right now”

“I wouldn’t expect anything else,”she sighed.

“Huh?”

“Go on and get out of here”she said waving a hand. “We’ll chalk up this lack of focus to the heat”

“Medda I couldn’t-”

“But you’re going to,”she said. “Go out there and have some  _ fun _ . Sit under a tree and read one of them textbooks for school or somethin. You just gotta promise me one thing”

“Uh huh?”he hummed, he was already packing his things into his school bag.

“Don’t you go lookin for that boy.”she said. “If  _ he _ finds  _ you _ then so be it, but I swear if hear from anyone that you were lookin for him-”

“Uh huh”he nodded, pulling the bag over his shoulder. His fingers had been itching to sit down and tuck into one of his Descarte books for his philosophy class.

“David,”she said sharply. 

“Yeah?”he said, with wide eyes.

“I need you to actually be listening”she said.

“Of course”

“Stay away from that boy,”she said slowly. “I know your brain is racing right now but don’t do anything rash lookin’ for answers. Alright?”

He hated being told what to do. Part of him wanted to do it just out of spite but from the look on Medda’s face one of them would be folding, and it wasn’t her. He sighed and nodded, hitching his bag higher on his shoulder.

“Alright, Medda. I promise.”

“Good”she smiled, “now come over here and give me a hug”

He laughed and walked over to him wrapping his arms around her shoulders and letting his chin rest on her head. She held him in a tight squeeze and rocked the two back and forth, similar to how he watched his own mother rock Les when they were kids.

“You’ve had a rough day,”she concluded. He barked a laugh and squeezed her a bit tighter.

“I’ve had a rough life”he said, “One bad day won’t kill me now”

She pulled away and gave his shoulders one last squeeze. “You’re too strong sometimes, sugar. Just because one bad day won’t kill you doesn’t mean the wound won’t run as deep.”

“Huh?”he said tilting his head.

“It’s okay to ask for help”she said. “Whether it’s me, or that sister of yours or even racecar-”

“Racetrack-”

“-that’s what I said.”she said. “It’s okay to let others take care of you”

He snorted to himself. _ The last time I let someone take care of me they got bored and left _ he thought. Instead he just nodded and grabbed his cap to place on his head.

“I will”

**Author's Note:**

> I like validation
> 
> Also please let it be known that I have no IDEA where this story is going to take us.


End file.
